Here’s the situation:  My name is Roxie and I’m a Bachaholic

The next season of The Bachelorette starts on Monday and it’s my favorite time of the year (outside of The Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise)!  This franchise is my guilty pleasure, but I don’t feel guilty about it at all!  You can have your Game of Thrones and Real Housewives, give me Chris Harrison and roses any day!  I’ve been a fan since it started in 2002 and 17 years later I wonder when I’ll grow out of it, but it hasn’t happened yet!  In 23 seasons of The Bachelor and 14 seasons of The Bachelorette, I’ve only missed one.  This means I’ve watched 36 out of 37 seasons, making me somewhat of an expert!  (In case you’re also a super fan and wonder which one I missed, it was season 6, Byron Velvick (2004).  He was 39 years old at the time of filming and I had zero interest in watching “some old man’s love story.”  Fifteen years later, I’m fully aware of the humor in him “being old”.)

Bachelor Glossary for Beginners:

• Lead – the 1 bachelor/bachelorette
• Candidates – the 25 women/men there for the lead
• Fantasy Suite – the overnight date where they can “forego their individual rooms and spend the night together as a couple” (no cameras)

In the early years of this show, you didn’t kiss every candidate and you certainly wouldn’t kiss anyone on night one!  The fantasy suites were always taboo, but there was never really confirmation about whether people were having sex or not because that sort of thing was private.  People actually went on the show to find love.  In 2002 there were no smart phones or social media or the opportunity for a post-show career slinging products on Instagram.  I don’t even think text messaging existed yet!  It’s crazy to think how much has changed since then; the show, technology and the entire mentality behind dating!

Will You Accept This Hot Take?

In the more recent seasons I’ve seen a common story line play out: one candidate either hasn’t been in love or in a long term relationship before and the lead is genuinely concerned by these facts, so much so that they aren’t sure if they should keep this person around.  It frustrates me every time!  (Can we also keep in mind these candidates are usually in their early to mid 20s.  How long term of a relationship do you expect them to have been in?!)

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been told I should apply for the show.  That would be a. train. wreck.  I’m pretty sure I’ve aged out of qualification, but if I were to go on it, I suppose I would be one of the girls the lead was concerned about.  We would go on our adventurous day date where we face our biggest fear and talk about how it’s a metaphor for love.  Then we would dress up and head into the evening portion of our date.  Sitting angled towards each other at a small table with a plate of cold food in front of us, the bachelor would look into my eyes and ask me if I’d been in love before.

In the entire span of my dating life (which is way longer than most since I’m still single…), my longest relationship is about a year and I’ve only said ‘I love you’ to 3 boyfriends.  Looking back, I can tell you that I was probably in love with none of them and I was even engaged to one of them!  Each new relationship comes with new feelings that you can’t help but compare, and when they get stronger than the last, you look back and wonder “what was I thinking?!”.  No?  Just me?  Those exes who I “loved”?  …one was the first guy who really showed me some kind of mutual reciprocated affection, so I “loved” him.  One was a Christian and I wanted to marry a Christian, so I “loved” him.  And one I was more in love with our story, than the guy himself.  I’m pretty sure you can ask anyone if that’s love and they would shake their head at how ridiculous that is.  So, back to my date with the bachelor.  Have I been in love before?  I suppose not.  Does that really warrant me a red flag?

I’ve dated red flags before (in fact, I think I’ve only dated red flags) and they were never that someone hadn’t been in love!  They were more like someone was rude to strangers [douche alert], someone had a short temper [run girl run!], someone didn’t have any long-term friendships [they cut people out of their lives] or someone was looking for validation through me [that’s a heart issue].  I dunno, call me crazy, but those are things you might want to worry about!  And does anybody else look at people who’ve had multiple serious relationships that haven’t worked out and wonder if they’re not unconsciously training themselves for a future divorce?

(Don’t) Follow Your Heart

I wonder why on the show it seems nobody flips the script and thinks about their “concerns” logically.  Maybe these candidates haven’t dated long term or thrown around L-bombs because they don’t want to waste anyone’s time or they see the gravity in the word love?  Perhaps they date with intention?  Perhaps they use discernment?  Has common sense has become so uncommon and following our hearts and feelings become so popular that we’ve confused green lights for red flags?  I think its time we start to date a little more old fashioned again, with a little more purpose, but what do I know?  The only thing I’m an expert at is The Bachelor/ette/in Paradise.

Now take a moment and say your goodbyes.

Fun fact: I did apply for a reality tv dating show in my early 20s and got a call back that I made it into the top 25 women!  I can’t be certain, but I’m pretty sure only 26 applied.