Here’s the situation: I feel like we try to win the approval of others by showing them a filtered version of ourselves, yet we want the real version of them.  So why do we think they wouldn’t want the same thing from us?

I have no idea how to use Snapchat the way it’s intended.  I think that officially makes me old.  I mean, I know how to look at the filters and I think I even know how to send a snap, but when it comes to anything else, I’m lost.  I’m lost and frankly, I don’t actually care.

I downloaded the app a few years ago after a Christmas party when a coworker was showing me the different filters.  I thought it was the funniest thing, but I’ve never actually used it like one should and I’ve considered getting rid of it, but… the filters… they’re just too good!  Does anybody else wish they naturally looked like their Snapchat self too?  I’m sorry, but I am bea•u•ti•ful with Snapchat!  My skin is flawless and taut and glows.  My eyes are big and sparkly.  My hair is it’s blondest blonde.  I am a freaking hottie when filtered!  Unfortunately, when I accidentally flip back to the normal camera lens, the reflection catches me off guard like, Buzz, your girlfriend.  Woof.

I Dunno If I Should Go With XX Pro or Valencia.  I Wanna Look Tanned.

As much as I wish I looked like my Snapchat self, I try not to post photos using it that often.  Sure, you’ll find the occasional one where the addition of hipster glasses and freckles were too cute not to use, but even the more natural filters without a prop are still a total misrepresentation of what I actually look like!

Now, before I start running my mouth about being filtered, maybe I should clarify some things.  An Instagram “filter”, though technically a filter, really only changes the lighting/brightness, etc., so I am not opposed to using them to improve the photo or the way you look in the photo (while completely ignoring what everyone else looks like).  It’s when you use filters or apps to tweak your actual appearance, that I start to have a problem, especially if you’re trying to pass it off like that’s really you!  If I know you in real life and have seen your forehead wrinkles and deep pores, but all of your photos have this smooth, softened, porcelain skin … gurl please!  (And/or boy please! I know some of you guys do it too!)  Trust me, I get it, I prefer to see myself filtered as well, but it’s all getting to be a little too fake when everyone claims to want authenticity.

E-I-E-I-O

Ever heard the saying “if the barn needs painting – paint the barn”?  Well, this barn requires a fresh coat every morning.  I love when people ask me “why do you get up so early?” or “how come it takes you so long to get ready?”.  Uhhhh, because this, (imagine me pointing to my face and drawing a circle around it with my finger), takes time!  I wear a full face of make up 7 days a week and I constantly chase my own version of perfection*, so I should be the last to have anything to say about how fake we’ve become, but in spite of my own desire to be considered beautiful by today’s standards, I can also see how today’s standards of beauty have become very one dimensional.

* Read about it in The Pursuit of Perfection

Stepford Wives

I don’t know what your Search & Explore feed looks like on Instagram (that’s the page with the magnifying glass icon, in case you didn’t know it had a name), but mine is mainly food, make up, fitness people, Bachelor/ette cast members and for some strange reason, a lot of Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir photos.  I don’t know why – I don’t search or follow either of them!  (Don’t get me wrong, I do love them!)  Dispersed throughout these photos are usually ones of pretty girls in really cute outfits.  Sometimes they’re those same fitness people showing off their style outside of the gym and sometimes it’s some random #fashionblogger or verified “influencer” I don’t know but likely has ties to the Bachelor world.  I don’t fully understand the algorithm, but because these are the photos I see, I’ve noticed that most of these girls are completely interchangeable!  They’re all stick thin (yet claim to eat tacos all the time), have super long hair, usually platinum blonde with beautiful waves, they have full eyelashes and they all wear the exact same outfits; an oversize knit sweater tucked into their faded blue skinny jeans which are cut just above their ankle boots or a t-shirt with another shirt tied around their waist.  If you’ve ever seen them, you can easily picture them.

I’m a middle aged women being infiltrated with these images and when I see them, I think – awww man, I need to lose 30 lbs, buy a new wardrobe and get some work done in order to be beautiful.  Imagine the message for someone half my age and twice as impressionable.  Is it really any wonder that “pretty” is all starting to look the same?  I mean, if this is the mainstream image and what we identify as beautiful, we will likely pattern ourselves after it.  And to what extent are we willing to go?

I saw a TV special once about Asians who want to look more ‘American’ and take extreme measures to do so.  For instance, getting plastic surgery in order to create a creased eyelid or even worse, “stature lengthening”!  Heard of it?  Brace yourself.  Your tibia and fibula are broken and a lengthening rod is inserted into the cartilage which gradually pulls the bones apart.  The body’s natural healing response is to grow new bone to close the gap, potentially giving you an extra 2-3″ of height over a 5 month stretching/healing period.  Are you cringing yet?!

It’s really unfortunate that as we chase worldly beauty to gain acceptance, we lose the beauty of our individuality and uniqueness.

You’re a Fake and a Phony and I Wish I’d Never Laid Eyes on You

I’m curious to know if men realize that the majority of girls they see and find attractive, are probably not real.  Heck, I’m a girl and up until a year ago, I didn’t even realize that most of what I saw wasn’t real!  If I saw a girl with super long hair, I assumed it was hers, because back when I had super long hair, I grew it myself!   I had NO idea that most of the girls you see with hair anywhere past the middle of their backs were BUYING it!  I would ask girls with thick and full eyelashes what mascara they used so that I could get those same lashes, only to find out they were BUYING eyelash extensions.  So many beautiful features women have are purchased!  Perfect eyebrows → microbladed.  Pouty lips → injected.  Teeth → whitened.  Breasts → implants.  Tan → sprayed.  Nails → fake.  Fake, fake, fake.  Bought, bought, bought.

Lately culture is spreading the gospel of body positivity and being yourself, loving yourself and having a healthy self esteem, which is great!  However, it seems like the majority of women are continuing to purchase all of these things!  It’s a bit of a confusing message isn’t it?  Like, you’re posting a #nomakeupselfie with some inspirational caption to empower other women about their natural beauty, but you have tattooed eyebrows, lash extensions and Botox – of course you’re confident without make up!  And let me stress – no hate on you!  I’ve paid for my own things in order to feel beautiful and will continue to do so also!  I’m not a martyr!

I’m Sexy and I Nose It

We all have that one thing (or twenty) that we dislike about ourselves.  At nearly 41, I can look in the mirror and think that I’m an attractive girl, more so than I could any year prior, which is weird since I’m just getting older, wrinklier and continuously gaining that middle age spread.  I see the full package of awesomeness that I am, but my focus?  Straight to my nose.  I’ve hated it EVERY DAY since grade 7.  I think it started the day a teacher made us trace our side profiles using the shadow from an overhead projector, then cut them out and post them around our classroom.  Thank you for that, Mrs. McCullough…

Most of the time I forget that this is the nose attached my face, but as soon as I catch a glimpse of it in the mirror or see it in a photo, I am reminded that as much as I try to fine tune the rest of me, I will always have this.  I’ve often wondered if it wasn’t the thing that kept me single too.  When I finally saved enough money to buy my condo, I seriously considered putting that money towards rhinoplasty instead.  I weighed my options: do I buy a condo and have a big nose or do I buy a small(er) nose and be homeless?  Well, I wouldn’t be homeless.  I could’ve lived with my mom, but if I was worried that my nose was keeping me single, I think moving home to my mommy at 36 would’ve done a pretty good job of that instead!

As much as I hate the central focal point of my face, I think I’m starting to accept that it’s part of what makes me me.  Maybe it even makes me stand out, good or bad.  No press is bad press, right?  All of those girls whose looks are interchangeable – they’re beautiful, but there’s really nothing memorable about them.  Do you know who is memorable though?  Barbara Streisand.  Lea Michele.  Sarah Jessica Parker.  Chelsea Peretti.  Lady Gaga.  The girls without the button noses.

Shake What Your Mama Gave Ya

Conventional beauty is one-note and can be achieved by anyone with enough money or enough apps.  I know I’ll never look like those stick thin, taco eating “influencers” of Instagram, but I think if you really want to be influential, you need to be yourself!  And if yourself requires a little bit of barn painting, that’s ok.  More people can identify with a painted barn that’s real, than a fake or filtered one!  People want the real you and will admire the real you for – you got it – your realness!  We all fall prey to the comparison trap, but don’t do the world a disservice by being anything less than the individual beauty you were created to be.  The world needs you, JUST AS YOU ARE.

Your need for acceptance can make you invisible in this world.  Don’t let anything stand in the way of the light that shines through this form.  Risk being seen in all of your glory.

– Jim Carrey