Here’s the situation:  Sometimes I think it would be helpful, even for just a day, to see ourselves through someone else’s eyes; how we make our first impressions, what we look like to them…just if we could see how they view us (and then maybe believe what they see).

You Know What They Say About Assuming

I’m shy.  I’ve always been shy.  Not that weird, uncomfortable, socially awkward kind of shy where I don’t know how to hold a conversation, but the kind where new people intimidate me.  It’s unlikely you’ll find me walking into a room of strangers and making my presence known.  Approach me first though and it’s a whole other ball game!  It’s because of this initial shyness that I’ve been told numerous times after someone’s got to know me “I thought you were going to be a b**** when I first met you, but you’re actually really nice!”

When I’m around new people or strangers, I usually assume* one of two things; they are either indifferent to me or they don’t like me/won’t like me.  I realize how warped that mindset is, but I also feel like it would be arrogant of me to assume people are automatically going to like me.  Because of the assumptions I make, sometimes I don’t even bother to glance up from what I’m doing or where I’m going to look around and notice people noticing me.  Maybe this has been to my disadvantage over the years?

I had a girl tell me once “there are certain people I hang out with that draw more attention our way when I’m with them.  You are one of those people.”  My mom has had to point out when a guy was checking me out, which is just uncomfortable and one of my favorite, laughable moments was when a friend, without even seeing the expression on my face, said “you should really smile when a guy looks at you like that!”  She knew me well enough to know I wouldn’t be paying attention and would probably be sporting my RBF!  (Don’t know what that is?  Google it.)

* makes an ass out of u and me

Who Is That Girl I See?

Have you ever met someone (male or female) and thought they were beautiful, confident and have nothing to be self conscious about?  As you got to know them, I’m sure you found out they are human and have insecurities, just like the rest of us!  It always surprises me though, just what people are insecure about.  It’s usually something you would never guess.

I have friends that I didn’t realize were self conscious of different body parts so they always wear a certain style of clothing to disguise them.  I know someone who wears their hair a specific way to hide a birthmark and someone who trims their facial hair in order to sculpt their jawline and I’ve had friends who have hated their laughs, even though their laughs were infectious.  What is it that you are self conscious of and what do you do to hide it?

I can recognize when I’m having a good hair or make up day and I can tell when an outfit looks cute or is more flattering, but more often than not, I focus on the flaws.  Nobody is better at picking us apart than us.  I guess it’s a side effect from spending 24/7 with ourselves, giving us ample time to inspect and magnify what we don’t like.  I see the increased circumference of my thighs, the back fat that has made a home above and below my bra and did you know your armpits can get chubby?!  Middle age spread people, it’s real and it’s here!  Yet with all the things that I’m ashamed have happened to my body, I still receive compliments that I look great or I look fit.

I’m 5’9″ (ok fine, 5’8.5″) and the majority of my friends are 5’4″ and under, so I tower over them which makes me feel like an unfeminine ogre.  They are petite and compact and get told how cute they are.  A couple friends and I were discussing this one evening.  “I never get told I’m cute”, I lamented, “I only ever get told I’m gorgeous or sexy or hot”.  That did not evoke a lot of pity, as these are things they have never heard because they’re too cute to be sexy.  And most of the time people are wishing they were taller, yet I’m wishing I was shorter so I can blend in better.

You might be surprised to hear that with all the things you are insecure about, there are people who think you are beautiful, confident and have nothing to be self conscious about.

Hamilton.  Not the Award Winning Broadway Musical.  The Other One – Tad Hamilton.

The early 2000s were big rom-com years for me.  Attribute that to living with one of my best friends and Blockbuster Video (RIP).  You could always tell I loved a movie if I bought the DVD when it made it into a ‘previously viewed’ bin.  Win a Date With Tad Hamilton is one of those DVDs!  Here’s the synopsis:

Tad Hamilton (Josh Duhamel) is a Hollywood actor, losing movie roles because of his bad boy reputation.  In order to generate a little positive PR and remind people he’s the boy next door, his agent and manager decide to run a contest for charity – Win a Date With Tad Hamilton.  Rosalee (Kate Bosworth), a sweet, small town girl and big fan of Tad, donates money to enter the contest and wins.  After the date, Tad decides he needs to reset his priorities and needs someone like her and her wholesome influence to rub off on him, so he flies to her small town to spend time with her and ends up falling for her.  Meanwhile Rosalee’s best friend Pete (Topher Grace) has secretly been in love with her for years and was planning to tell her before he left for college, but Tad’s presence and interest in Rosalee has put a wrench in that plan.

This brings us to the scene, with the line…

Pete is having a drink and spilling his heart out to their local bartender, Angelica.  She tells him he’s got to win Rosalee back and he scoffs that he doesn’t stand a chance – he’s up against Tad Hamilton.  Angelica, who has not-so-secretly been in love with Pete for years, says to him:

“You are Tad Hamilton.  Don’t you see?  Everybody’s Tad Hamilton to somebody.  Rosalee’s Tad Hamilton to you and you’re Tad Hamilton to me.”

It might be a cheesy line from a cheesy movie, but isn’t that the truth?!

Ain’t No Thang

We talked about the obvious, physical qualities that people can see, but what about the internal ones people see in you that you don’t see in yourself?  Strength, courage, stability, etc.

Recently I was having a really bad day.  Maybe a bad couple days.  I was super unhappy about life and how little I feel I’ve accomplished thus far and how it seems like nothing ever changes and how nothing is ever going to change!  I was texting with my own version of Angelica and she tossed this into the ring: “Maybe big things in your life haven’t changed, but you own your own apartment and that’s huge!”  Hmmm, I suppose that’s kind of true.  I usually look at that and think nothing of it; it’s just what people do.  What about the other big things over the years?  The fact that I was engaged, 5 months from my wedding date and broke it off?  People used to tell me all the time how strong I was for doing that, but it’s just another thing I brushed off.  It wasn’t that big of a deal, was it?  What about getting out of debt?  What about going on trips?  I suppose some things have changed.

Why is it so easy to see great things in other people, but difficult to recognize them in ourselves?  Sometimes it takes that outsiders perspective (or a metaphorical Batman slap) to make you take another look at your ‘meh’ moments and snap out of it!

Full Circle Tad Hamilton

Here’s your takeaway.  Always remember – everybody’s Tad Hamilton to somebody.  The body that you have and complain about, is somebody else’s fitness goal.  The job that you have and want to leave, is somebody else’s dream career.  The spouse that you find disposable, somebody else has been praying for.  You might very well be living someone else’s ideal life, so change your perspective, be grateful and make sure to steward what you have well!  (Yes, I need to take my own advice!  Will I?  Meh…)